She wanted to forget about the holidays. She wanted all those family days to just disappear from her mind and life. She knew she could not hold up so soon to large family gatherings, catching up on this one and that one and make it through without falling apart. Her life was nothing to be celebrating she thought. And so why should she have to attend Thanksgiving,
Christmas and New Years with the family.

 He was gone. Her best friend and soul mate was no longer there to talk to, to keep her company or to hold. And how she wanted to feel his arms around her just one more time. To hear him say, "I love you" again. He had loved, supported
and taken care of her for years and when he suddenly had gotten sick she devoted her life to taking care of him. He was her lifeline and it was killing her to see him weaken with no hope of a cure and then finally die. Being with him as he drew
his last breath played over and over in her mind, over and over and each time it took a little more of her heart and soul away.

She no longer wanted to live. The three months since his passing seemed like three lifetimes of sadness and pain. Everyday was a chore to just get out of bed and face the life she no longer wished to live in. The family tried to prepare her for the up
coming holidays and even the grief counselor talked to her of ways to celebrate the life of her love she was so desperately missing. But she cared about none of that right now.

She refused to attend the large family get togethers, and so her children decided to have Thanksgiving at home. The girls decided to cook the meal and the guys sat around watching the games like they did with him every year.

She could hear clanging and banging in the kitchen and then the sound of the boys rooting on their favorite team just as if their father were there with them. She grew angry that they seemed so jovial and happy. Didn't they hurt, didn't they miss him? How could they act as if it was just another Thanksgiving? How could they not want to just hide and never celebrate the holidays again. What did they have to be thankful for?  She stayed in her room, trying not to hear the happenings going on downstairs. Laying here with the covers tightly pulled up over her, she hoped they would protect her from the activities and "life" going on downstairs.

 Suddenly there was a light knocking on her door...she ignored it. Again, the tapping continues and is persistent. She hears one of the girls asking for help. The pleading is so sincere and honest she cannot help but feel sorry for her daughter in her
dilemma. She answers in as few words as she can and then asks to please be left alone. A few minutes go by and again her help is sought on another problem in the kitchen and another until she sits up and thinks to herself that dinner will be a big disaster unless she goes downstairs to help the girls out. Then she thought she could just go back to her room and shut out the world again.

Dressing, she looks at herself in the mirror and sees a stranger. She looks like a shell of her former self. That long summer away from home and then coming back to care for him 24 hours a day had taken a toll on her. The three months since his passing were only a blur of memories. Memories of days and nights of tears and loneliness. She decided to put on one
of his favorite outfits. After brushing her hair and looking into the mirror once again she could almost hear him saying to her. "You look beautiful sweetheart, Happy Thanksgiving". A slight smile crosses her face and she whispers out loud. "Happy Thanksgiving Honey, I love you," as she looks at her husbands picture on the night stand.

 Upon entering the living room, the boys both cheer and jump up to hug their mother and give her the big bear hugs like their father always gave. They thanked their mother for joining the little family group and begged her to please take charge in the kitchen as they knew the girls were ruining their Thanksgiving Dinner. The girls protested at this remark and then they all looked at each other and laughed. This had been the first laughter from their mother in a very long time.

She then looks at all of her children and sees him in them...one his eyes, one his hair, one his personality and in every one she saw his love and commitment for his family. She knew then she had to come through for them. They needed her now like they needed him all those years. They were hurting too. They missed him everyday like she did. She must make an effort for them and also for her. She had to come through for all of them if she was going to make it. She knew he would expect her best effort and to be the rock the family was missing now.

She walked into the kitchen, rolled up her sleeves and said.."Ok now, lets make Thanksgiving dinner." They all worked together as a family and when finally sitting down to partake of the meal, they joined hands and each one told what they were thankful for. Each said how thankful and blessed they were to have had him in their lives, as their father and husband. For all the wonderful love and guidance he had given them and for all the special memories they could share. She told them how she was thankful for the wonderful children he had given her and would try and be the role model he would want her to be. They in return thanked her for loving them and raising them in a good Christian, loving home.

 The dinner was delicious but the conversation and bonding were even more precious. They laughed,  they cried, they reminisced and all thanked God for having such a wonderful husband and father to be Thankful for.